Well to say that this has been some kind of a week is quite the understatement. In case you have not heard yet I have been having some health problems. On Sunday evening I started having some muscle spasms on the left side of my body. Monday morning had me in the emergency room. Since then I have had a MRI, I have been poked for blood 7 times, I have done multiple mobility tests and so far I have one name to put to everything “Chorea-Athtosis”. This is not really a diagnosis but more of a description of my symptoms. That means we know what I am doing but not 100% sure why I am doing it. The neurologist said this is most certainly a genetic predisposition but what caused it to come to the surface all of a sudden is the question. I am starting on a couple of different drugs to see if I can get things balanced out and stop shaking. The doctor is confident that will happen eventually but can’t give time frames. I go back to the doctor on Friday for more tests. I’m getting my very first brain scan. How exciting. In the mean time I am supposed to avoid any kind of stress. He doesn’t want me to work, do heavy exercise (as if that was really an issue), and basically I should just lay low.
I know I should be really glad that the MRI came back clear and my blood test didn’t show anything bad. So at least what I have is not life threatening. But when I am in the midst of typing and my body is shaking all over and I have to retype every other word because I shake too much I must say I am finding peace to be far from me right now. Sherawn told me about a woman who mentioned in regards to my issue that the Apostle Paul said that we need to be content in all situations. In that I don’t disagree we should be content in all situations. I do worry however that too many times Christians use that verse as an excuse to roll over and play dead or “just get over it”. If Paul when writing his letters to the various churches and friends (quite often from prison) had the choice of being in chains or free, most likely he would have chosen freedom. But the attitude that so often prevails is “I will just stay where I am this must be God’s will for me”. When circumstances are poor there is nothing wrong with trying to change your circumstances. God’s will for us is not for us to be miserable! He wants us to experience life in its fullest. When we settle on one thing we will settle on others. And if we are settling, are we living up to the potential that God has placed on us? Or are we going to let the enemy keep us down because we chose not to fight?
I will feel contentment:
In knowing that God is sovereign.
In knowing that he has a plan for me through all this.
In possibly never knowing why this is happening to me.
But I will also do my best to glorify my maker and honor Him in not giving up on being the best that I can be in the midst of suffering. I will often be unhappy when I am vomiting from the motion sickness, writhing from the muscle cramps and headaches, and quite simply when I am unable to drink a glass of water without spilling on myself. But please God help me if I ever become content in accepting misery as fate and settling for less than what you have planned for me.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
A week review
While I would love to come to this post and talk about how I saved the world using only a paper clip and a piece of chewing gum...MacGyvor I am not. The most exciting thing I did this week would most likely just bore you. I actually found myself getting a little worried that being an intern here is going to become a little routine.
When anyone first starts to find what they feel is the grand design for themselves, expectations go through the roof, flowers fall form the heavens, and angels sing. Then reality sets in and well...no singing angels so far. I don't know what I thought I was going to spend my day doing. I guess I just wanted to see reality and my hopes match up. (Now before I go on any further I should make something clear. I am not in anyway regretting what I am doing. I love what I am doing! I wouldn't choose anything different.) What I am trying to say, albeit not very clearly, is that I was expecting something that would make me feel well I dunno what I was expecting.
So now that I have realized that this job is at times going to be...well...a job. I can pull my head from the clouds look at things for how they really are and get down to business. And the business at hand is to get my head in the game. Strategic planning, study, instruction, instructing, and making sure that what I was brought on to do is the bare minimum of what I do. I need to think about how we are called to do everything for the glory of God. We should work as if we are working directly for Him. The problem I have with this however, is that I view God as this really laid back kinda boss who wouldn't mind if I went golfing during the middle of the day instead of running spread sheets on how I will make due with the small budget that I have. The dilemma then is, "how do I keep myself motivated and actually working as I should instead of how I want to?" Here is what I have come up with:
1. Don't actually bring golf clubs to work.
2. Remember what I have been paid.
Notice in this second tip I didn't say what I am getting paid. If I looked at this from that point of view, I don't get paid enough not to go golfing. Rather what I am speaking of is the price that was paid for me through Christ on the cross at Calvary. Lets change course slightly to the movie "Saving Private Ryan." At the end of the movie (spoiler alert) Private Ryan is looking into the eyes of his last rescuer and receiving one last bit of advice from someone he never met before who is dieing for his sake,"make it worth it, don't waste it." At least that is how I remember it anyway. The point I am trying to get to is that we all have that same weight on our shoulders. Someone we never met in person "Jesus" died for us in the hopes that we would not "waste it" (His gift). When I look at life from this direction suddenly going golfing during work when I know I have a job to do doesn't sound as appealing. Of course golfing is not in and of itself bad or evil. We do have an obligation to live in a way that honors the sacrifice made by someone who did not have to sacrifice anything. So no matter what your job is and how routine it can be at times please let me encourage you. God put you where you are at this time for a specific purpose. And you may never know how some mundane run of the mill task can influence the life of someone-and you may never know it. So if we focus on doing whats right, maybe God just might get to use us as a GOOD example of what to do. :)
God bless, Nate.
When anyone first starts to find what they feel is the grand design for themselves, expectations go through the roof, flowers fall form the heavens, and angels sing. Then reality sets in and well...no singing angels so far. I don't know what I thought I was going to spend my day doing. I guess I just wanted to see reality and my hopes match up. (Now before I go on any further I should make something clear. I am not in anyway regretting what I am doing. I love what I am doing! I wouldn't choose anything different.) What I am trying to say, albeit not very clearly, is that I was expecting something that would make me feel well I dunno what I was expecting.
So now that I have realized that this job is at times going to be...well...a job. I can pull my head from the clouds look at things for how they really are and get down to business. And the business at hand is to get my head in the game. Strategic planning, study, instruction, instructing, and making sure that what I was brought on to do is the bare minimum of what I do. I need to think about how we are called to do everything for the glory of God. We should work as if we are working directly for Him. The problem I have with this however, is that I view God as this really laid back kinda boss who wouldn't mind if I went golfing during the middle of the day instead of running spread sheets on how I will make due with the small budget that I have. The dilemma then is, "how do I keep myself motivated and actually working as I should instead of how I want to?" Here is what I have come up with:
1. Don't actually bring golf clubs to work.
2. Remember what I have been paid.
Notice in this second tip I didn't say what I am getting paid. If I looked at this from that point of view, I don't get paid enough not to go golfing. Rather what I am speaking of is the price that was paid for me through Christ on the cross at Calvary. Lets change course slightly to the movie "Saving Private Ryan." At the end of the movie (spoiler alert) Private Ryan is looking into the eyes of his last rescuer and receiving one last bit of advice from someone he never met before who is dieing for his sake,"make it worth it, don't waste it." At least that is how I remember it anyway. The point I am trying to get to is that we all have that same weight on our shoulders. Someone we never met in person "Jesus" died for us in the hopes that we would not "waste it" (His gift). When I look at life from this direction suddenly going golfing during work when I know I have a job to do doesn't sound as appealing. Of course golfing is not in and of itself bad or evil. We do have an obligation to live in a way that honors the sacrifice made by someone who did not have to sacrifice anything. So no matter what your job is and how routine it can be at times please let me encourage you. God put you where you are at this time for a specific purpose. And you may never know how some mundane run of the mill task can influence the life of someone-and you may never know it. So if we focus on doing whats right, maybe God just might get to use us as a GOOD example of what to do. :)
God bless, Nate.
Friday, June 5, 2009
First week down.
So unless I suddenly implode during the next hour or two I will have managed to complete my first full week as the new intern.
There has been a lot going on around here. Some of it a little awkward, some of it just busy work in the hopes of getting settled, and a whole lot of glimpses of the good things that I can see coming into my future in ministry.
I had a meeting today with another youth pastor in town. I wanted to know what kinds of things are going on in his church and what has worked or not worked in his time within his church. They have a tremendous ministry, the group he leads is quite large and compared to the physical size of my group is HUGE! As the meeting went on I found myself learning a ton. This man is and will be a valuable resource. God has truly blessed what they have been doing. As excited as I was about the things he was saying however I felt a strange urge to scream/cry and run out of the building. How often we as humans are sucked into the idea that someone else is way beyond you. That you will never stack up. That what you thought was great a half hour before is now a stupid idea and you could never pull it off anyways so throw in the towel. I remember a story I heard quite a while ago about a poor family in the church that I was attending who visited a wealthy family in the same congregation. At entering the building how easy it would have been for this family to say, "why not me, how come they get the good stuff, man am I a failure." But rather, they decided to take a healthy approach and what they ended up saying was "Praise God, it's it cool how blessed you have become, isn't it great how God provides."
I am now faced with a challenge. Do I give up on what I am doing or do I praise the God who has made it all possible. I am doing my very best right now to lead with the latter. I was told that almost 30 kids in his group have made a commitment to living for Christ in the last year. How dare I diminish that by getting upset because I don't have the kind of numbers of attending teens, a facility, or the budget that this church has.
At some point everyone will face this same type of scenario in one form or another. I would challenge you today, before this creeps up again (and it will come up again), to ask yourself some questions before you form a response.
1. Does God have a plan for me?
2. Do I value what God's plan is for me?
3. If where you are is what God has for you, are you willing to accept that role?
4. Do I know the real reason I am envious of this someone/something else?
What is on the surface is usually not what is causing the real issue.
5. Do you place value on yourself?
6. Do you think God really loves you?
7. Are you someone special?
If you are confident in your standing with Jesus then the answer should be yes to all of the above. If you are unsure for any reason where you stand...doubt will cripple you. If I let the attitude fester inside me I know that what I learned today would be lost. Be humble, and know that God is who He says He is. Ask for him to share with you what you are meant to do with the hand you have been dealt. Then understand that value, true value, comes not from what we do but from what God has made you to be and what He is doing within you as His child.
Now to get ready for week two. :)
God bless,
Nate.
There has been a lot going on around here. Some of it a little awkward, some of it just busy work in the hopes of getting settled, and a whole lot of glimpses of the good things that I can see coming into my future in ministry.
I had a meeting today with another youth pastor in town. I wanted to know what kinds of things are going on in his church and what has worked or not worked in his time within his church. They have a tremendous ministry, the group he leads is quite large and compared to the physical size of my group is HUGE! As the meeting went on I found myself learning a ton. This man is and will be a valuable resource. God has truly blessed what they have been doing. As excited as I was about the things he was saying however I felt a strange urge to scream/cry and run out of the building. How often we as humans are sucked into the idea that someone else is way beyond you. That you will never stack up. That what you thought was great a half hour before is now a stupid idea and you could never pull it off anyways so throw in the towel. I remember a story I heard quite a while ago about a poor family in the church that I was attending who visited a wealthy family in the same congregation. At entering the building how easy it would have been for this family to say, "why not me, how come they get the good stuff, man am I a failure." But rather, they decided to take a healthy approach and what they ended up saying was "Praise God, it's it cool how blessed you have become, isn't it great how God provides."
I am now faced with a challenge. Do I give up on what I am doing or do I praise the God who has made it all possible. I am doing my very best right now to lead with the latter. I was told that almost 30 kids in his group have made a commitment to living for Christ in the last year. How dare I diminish that by getting upset because I don't have the kind of numbers of attending teens, a facility, or the budget that this church has.
At some point everyone will face this same type of scenario in one form or another. I would challenge you today, before this creeps up again (and it will come up again), to ask yourself some questions before you form a response.
1. Does God have a plan for me?
2. Do I value what God's plan is for me?
3. If where you are is what God has for you, are you willing to accept that role?
4. Do I know the real reason I am envious of this someone/something else?
What is on the surface is usually not what is causing the real issue.
5. Do you place value on yourself?
6. Do you think God really loves you?
7. Are you someone special?
If you are confident in your standing with Jesus then the answer should be yes to all of the above. If you are unsure for any reason where you stand...doubt will cripple you. If I let the attitude fester inside me I know that what I learned today would be lost. Be humble, and know that God is who He says He is. Ask for him to share with you what you are meant to do with the hand you have been dealt. Then understand that value, true value, comes not from what we do but from what God has made you to be and what He is doing within you as His child.
Now to get ready for week two. :)
God bless,
Nate.
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Beginning
The first day of the internship. I have a feeling that I have gotten myself in over my head and am kinda looking forward to it. Over the last 11-12 years or so I went from having jobs to looking for a career. I have tried a few different roles; welder, stone craftsman, technician, sales, marketing. All of which I entered while making the assumption that I had found what was to be my purpose in life. After a while I realized I either had no idea what I was doing or was just flat out wrong. I have tried chasing dollar signs and for a while was actually pretty successful at it, and miserable. I have tried to just take what came and go with it but without direction this really gets boring. And the suitcase full of money that would allow me to retire and travel the world is yet to show.
So here I am again. Starting over. This time however is different. In all the other routes I have taken I felt like it was the right thing. This time I know it is the right thing. I know this because I have fought tooth and nail for some time to avoid this line of work. And every time I tried to dodge it it kept coming back around. While I don't know what the future holds specifically I can say that I am not here by accident. The ministry is not something that I aspired to but rather have had placed on my heart. God will not let go of what His plans are for me. Either I listened or I failed it is that simple. The nice thing about God is that when you are doing what you are supposed to do, when you are walking in His will, He lets you know it. "A peace that transcends all understanding". My life has not been easy and I make no assumptions of life getting easier. In fact I expect the opposite. That being said however I do foresee a future that will include more joy than I ever could have imagined. A joy that says all is well with the world even when that world is completely upside down.
Welcome to my ride.
So here I am again. Starting over. This time however is different. In all the other routes I have taken I felt like it was the right thing. This time I know it is the right thing. I know this because I have fought tooth and nail for some time to avoid this line of work. And every time I tried to dodge it it kept coming back around. While I don't know what the future holds specifically I can say that I am not here by accident. The ministry is not something that I aspired to but rather have had placed on my heart. God will not let go of what His plans are for me. Either I listened or I failed it is that simple. The nice thing about God is that when you are doing what you are supposed to do, when you are walking in His will, He lets you know it. "A peace that transcends all understanding". My life has not been easy and I make no assumptions of life getting easier. In fact I expect the opposite. That being said however I do foresee a future that will include more joy than I ever could have imagined. A joy that says all is well with the world even when that world is completely upside down.
Welcome to my ride.
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