Plans

Today is my wife's birthday. 33 today. On Friday we also get to celebrate our 10Th wedding anniversary.

When I first met Sherawn she was only 17. I was 18 and getting ready to go into college for firefighting. I wanted to get on a fire crew in Chicago. Sherawn was thinking about moving to Charleston, South Carolina after high school so she could become a marine biologist. What we had planned came nowhere near what we ended up doing. And we had our plans all laid out too.

The older I get the more I realize that making plans is often times more like throwing spaghetti noodles and hoping they stick rather than actually planning anything. Life has it's way of squishing and throwing our plans into the garbage. I am glad we have gone down the path that we have it's just that once in a while if God would let us in on the secrets that our futures hold that would be ok. I don't need to know everything, but I could use a heads up on a few things. Like how am I going to manage to pay all my bills this month or which one of the medications that I am trying is going to fix my neurological disorder?

Unfortunately that is not the case. We are forced to go through life wondering. So why do I bother to think about this stuff at all? Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Scripture calls for us to put all our faith in God however that is easier said than done. At least for me anyways. I have always been a bit of a control freak. Ok maybe a big control freak. I don't even like to sit in the passenger seat of a car. I want to be the driver!! Which is most likely why God is allowing me to become so dependant on my wife whenever I need to go somewhere. ( Usually not a good idea to have someone that spasms uncontrollably in control of steering. Just sayin'.) I have some lessons to learn it seems.

Right now I feel terribly out of control. I have muscles that move on their own that I couldn't stop if I wanted too. I can't drive. I can't make plans that have any kind of length because I can start what looks like a seizure at any time without warning. When that happens I am shot for that day and maybe the next. Stress exacerbates the problem so work for now is a hindrance. So what's a control freak to do?

I practice, then I practice, and then I practice some more. I practice giving control over to God. Not that God doesn't have control already, what I mean is that I quit fighting for control. Again this is easier said than done. I fight daily with trying to control my life. I can't see God, I can't hear Him, I can't touch Him. Faith is harder to come by when there is nothing palpable in front of you. It is easier to believe in myself. I can see me. But God is sovereign and what He says goes. I can't stop what God says is going to happen. So I need to do what I should always have been doing. Trusting in God for everything. Everything!

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

As a child of God I have been called according to His "Good, pleasing and perfect will." I am guessing you are picking up on the pattern here. God is GOOD-he does GOOD things. It is not like I am turning over the reigns to some idiot who doesn't know what he is doing. God has a plan and His plan is better than my plan. God's plan for me is GOOD. As for my plan...well my plan kinda stinks in comparison.

If I go back to those two teenagers who had the whole world figured out back then. I would say, well I would probably just laugh at the clothes and hair. I wouldn't tell them what was going to happen. I would be tempted to share a few lotto numbers but I wouldn't share the future. The teenage Me would have tried to change things anyways. I like where God has taken me. It could have been easier at times but even the hard times have helped get me to where I am.

So I will just hang on for the ride the best I can. It will be much less bumpy if I let God be the one driving. And I will try to not fight to hard when God reminds me that I should stop trying to move over into his seat and grab the wheel.